So, I keep getting these offers in the mail – a special “deal” if I add a land line to either my cell service or cable service.

In my perfect world, if they could figure out that I don’t have a land line, they would also figure out that I haven’t had one for five years and deduce that if I had any use for said land line I would have figured it out by now.

Fox just keeps delivering the news I need to know …

Michael Jackson’s Will Filed in Court, Excludes Debbie Rowe

OMG!  This is huge!  *debating if I need to cut out now to begin recovering from this news or if it can wait til I get off in a couple hours*

So I open up iGoogle this morning and find this headline on my Fox News window:

Clinton to Obama: Talk Tough on Iran

Yup, that’s the key to success in the Democratic Party.  Talk.  Talk, talk, talk.  Trust me, whichever Clinton said this, when it comes to being all talk Obama needs no coaching.

After an exhaustive search, amidst All Jackson All the Time, I was able to find some coverage of the Sanford scandal.  Honestly it had me reaching for the remote … someone’s got to be showing the Beat It video right now.

It’s pretty formulaic.  There’s a scandal, they get a bunch of news and political figures on and ask them if the scandalous one should be removed from office.  Here’s the thing, and it pretty much always goes this way:  people tend to be harsher with their prescriptions for political opponents than for their allies.

“Fwah, fwah, fwah (that’s what gums sound like when they’re flapping), jay-walking is no joke, errr, uuuhh, we owe it to the American public to have this guy drawn and quartered.”  Whenever there is a professed sense of duty, look out.  Really.  After watching them in action, does you really believe any one of them is capable of feeling “duty” anymore.

Or … “Fwah, fwah, fwah, well, you just don’t understand the subtleties of the situation, errrr, uuuhhh, we don’t want to rush to judgment until we’ve had the chance to assemble a bi-partisan commission and conduct a two-year study of what the meaning of ‘is’ truly is.”

Thanks.  Thanks all, for the “news” and valuable “insight.”

What we really need to do is conduct a survey of all of these folks when there isn’t a scandal in progress.  What should the consequences be for __?  If there is a farm animal involved, what then?  Doesn’t matter if it’s a Republican or Democrat, are they fit for office or not?

I’ve go to admit, I’m kind of torn.  These scandals reveal a lack of character, misaligned priorities and poor judgment.  Certainly not the traits you look for in a leader.  On the other hand these folks aren’t THE people with poor judgment, they are THE people whose poor judgment has come to light.  Everyone has their thing.  Knowing human nature, I’m always most suspicious of those who, when calling for punishment, bang the drum the loudest.

So yes, I admit that it’s difficult to navigate these waters knowing one’s own fallibility.  But that doesn’t give anyone clearance to flip flop their “values” depending on whether or not the target shares their political affiliation.

With the passing of Michael Jackson, I really wish, given the moment, that they’d cover this more.  You know, maybe they could run some special that tell us more about his life.  I mean, for such a big celebrity he was hardly ever in the news.

Perhaps they could run some of his old videos and let us celebrate what he labored, in near obscurity, to produce back in the day.  Like that album from the 80’s, Thriller … did you know that was his?  Had I not been flipping through the channels late the other night and happened to catch some guy on BET mention it in passing, I would never have known that.  They need to show that Billie Jean video more.

I guess what I’m saying is, “Tell us more about the guy.”  At least provide something to hold us over until the boatload of innuendo and false implications from the autopsy hits.

Really, anything so that when our electric bills have doubled, and unemployment is through the roof, and Iran and North Korea are lobbing nuclear missiles all over the globe, and gas is $10 / gal, and there isn’t decent medical care to be found anywhere on said globe, we can all act totally surprised.

We won’t know jack about what is going to shape our lives for the next ten years, but will have a vice-like grip on every last insignificant detail in the life of a twisted freak who happened to be talented.

I can hold my tongue no longer!  I’m not here to speak ill of the dead, but I’m sick of the hypocrisy.

This guy is not shattered, not immersed in sober reflection, not moping around because Michael Jackson is dead.

Jackson had his moments, sure.  There is no denying his contribution to music.  But since his musical heyday MJ had become a human freak show.  And we’re not talking about a couple of indiscretions.  He was up to his eyeballs in weird.

But seriously, I’m not here to hate on Jackson.  I got over his departure from normality long ago.  The axe I’m grinding is with all the network overkill in covering this event.  The starchy retrospectives.  The sober tones.  These are the folks who feasted on Jackson’s every misstep.  They are only sad because they lost one of their surefire, go-to sources for tabloid fodder.

If they have all of this tremendous respect for the departed pop singer why are they slurping around in the gutter for autopsy information?  Seems to me that the best way to show respect, and this really goes for any celebrity passing, would be to just leave it alone.  Report it as news and then move on and let family, friends and fans do their thing.

The good news is, my disgust over what qualifies as journalism these days was already maxed.  So this hasn’t made things worse.  It’s more of a reminder … “oh yeah, that’s right, they’re all freaking sleazeballs!”

I don’t think the draft could have gone any better for Tar Heel stars Tyler Hansbrough and Ty Lawson.  No, neither was a lottery pick.  That was never going to happen.  What both of these guys needed was a good fit, and I say they got it.

Surprisingly, Hansbrough was taken before Lawson when Indiana scooped him up with the 13th overall pick.  But then again, that’s just about a perfect pick.  Can you think of a better place for Hansbrough than Indiana?  Pacer fans will appreciate and celebrate his hard-nosed style and work ethic.

Indiana’s pick may have been the only sure thing in the first round.  Hansbrough isn’t going to develop into the guy who averages a triple double and has the big market franchises drooling to build their team around him.  But he also isn’t going to hold out, slack off in practice, get in trouble off the court or fade into obscurity in two years.  There are no mysteries here.  He’ll play solid minutes.  He’ll contribute.  He’ll work his ass off.  And he’ll understand and fulfill his role.  There’s a place for that in the NBA.

Lawson is a different case.  After testing the draft waters last year and finding them a little on the cool side, he returned to Carolina.  This past season was a split between Lawson as the key to Carolina’s championship run and Lawson on the bench, injured.  Some day he may be a lottery caliber NBA point guard, but right now I think teams would just like to see if he can deliver the brilliance he showed sometimes in college over an entire season as a pro.

Last night Lawson was part of a strange Minnesota first round in which the TWolves drafted three guards.  Fortunately for him, Lawson was immediately dealt to Denver.  Perfect!  The Nuggets made an impressive run to the Conference Finals this year and appear to be settling in as the Lakers’ chief rival in the West.  If Lawson establishes himself on this team he has the chance to be a part of something special.

Best of all, Denver is set at starting point guard with Chauncey Billups.  Lawson is like the QB who gets drafted by a team with a stellar but aging veteran under center.  Lawson won’t be pressured to be the man immediately.  And, while he’s developing, he couldn’t ask for a better mentor than Billups who should be good for Lawson’s game and attitude.  If he keeps his head on straight Ty Lawson could become something special.

How quickly this whole Iran thing is escalating.  Just days ago the most powerful man in the free world was “concerned.”  Today he is “outraged.”  Ahmadinejad had better choose his next moves carefully or we could well find ourselves heading down a road from which there is no return. 

If this nonsense continues, I don’t think it is at all premature to expect that next week at this time our President could be as much as “incensed!”  And if that were to happen, well, stand by for a barrage of words unsupported by action the likes of which has not been seen since John Kerry became irrelevant.

And don’t think this is just about Iran.  North Korea is the little yellow elephant in the room.  So, when our leader let’s loose with a good, stiff, sort of rebuke, he is sending a parallel message to Kim Jong-Il:  Step off little man, for there’s plenty more lofty-sounding, yet ambiguous speeches where this came from!

I’ve got to admit to being nonplussed upon learning that this iteration of Top Chef was going to be a shortened, celebrity chef edition rather than a full-blown version of the show.  It’s kind of like Celebrity Apprentice vs. the real deal.

However, after watching an episode I’d say that this special season is reinforcing what is best about this Bravo franchise.  Top Chef manages to draw in some great cooking personalities, but generally does a great job of concentrating on their craft instead of letting the drama overwhelm everything.

What’s really interesting about Top Chef Masters is that a lot of the “contestants” have been judges on previous seasons of Top Chef.  With the tables turned they are struggling with the same pressures and often experiencing the same results.  It will be interesting to see if this has any impact on how they approach being a judge in Top Chef seasons to come.

But by far my favorite realiTV moment happened on last week’s Top Chef Masters episode.  While the chefs were waiting in the kitchen for the judges to decide their fate and call them back to the evaluation room, they … baked cookies!

How awesome is that?  In one brief moment you see everything that is good about this franchise.  The camaraderie.  The respect for each other.  And I’m always inspired to see people who love their craft.  Plus this brings in my aspirations.  I don’t dream of becoming a better cook so I can prepare and describe lobster something-or-other.  I just want to be able to whip up something yummy on the spur of the moment.

Memo to Starbucks-sucking, Hummer-driving, pink polo-wearing golf “fan.”  When Tiger or anyone else is teeing off on a par 5 the ball is not going to “get in the hole,” regardless of your encouragement and vast knowledge of the sport.  This also almost always applies to par 4’s, and for that matter you rarely see anyone hole their drive on a par 3.

– B –

Breaking news in the Iran election story.  Turns out they found several boxes of uncounted ballots in the trunk of the Grant County Commissioner’s Buick in northern Minnesota.  Al Franken has now closed to within 57 votes of Ahmadinejad.  You thought those dissidents were mad yesterday …

– B –

Hillary Clinton has announced that Barack Obama has “absolutely” passed the 3am phone call test.  Really?  I’m curious what finally won her over.  Perhaps it was the way he decisively decided to step aside and give Iran a clear path to acquiring nuclear weapons.  Or maybe it was his quick retaliation after North Korea’s first missile test with a sternly-worded condemnation.  Then there was his call for Israel to lay down in the face of their enemies.  Obama has definitely led by example on that one.

Personally I think that with all that Obama is doing to screw up the economy, Hillary is just happy to have a job.