After an exhaustive search, amidst All Jackson All the Time, I was able to find some coverage of the Sanford scandal.  Honestly it had me reaching for the remote … someone’s got to be showing the Beat It video right now.

It’s pretty formulaic.  There’s a scandal, they get a bunch of news and political figures on and ask them if the scandalous one should be removed from office.  Here’s the thing, and it pretty much always goes this way:  people tend to be harsher with their prescriptions for political opponents than for their allies.

“Fwah, fwah, fwah (that’s what gums sound like when they’re flapping), jay-walking is no joke, errr, uuuhh, we owe it to the American public to have this guy drawn and quartered.”  Whenever there is a professed sense of duty, look out.  Really.  After watching them in action, does you really believe any one of them is capable of feeling “duty” anymore.

Or … “Fwah, fwah, fwah, well, you just don’t understand the subtleties of the situation, errrr, uuuhhh, we don’t want to rush to judgment until we’ve had the chance to assemble a bi-partisan commission and conduct a two-year study of what the meaning of ‘is’ truly is.”

Thanks.  Thanks all, for the “news” and valuable “insight.”

What we really need to do is conduct a survey of all of these folks when there isn’t a scandal in progress.  What should the consequences be for __?  If there is a farm animal involved, what then?  Doesn’t matter if it’s a Republican or Democrat, are they fit for office or not?

I’ve go to admit, I’m kind of torn.  These scandals reveal a lack of character, misaligned priorities and poor judgment.  Certainly not the traits you look for in a leader.  On the other hand these folks aren’t THE people with poor judgment, they are THE people whose poor judgment has come to light.  Everyone has their thing.  Knowing human nature, I’m always most suspicious of those who, when calling for punishment, bang the drum the loudest.

So yes, I admit that it’s difficult to navigate these waters knowing one’s own fallibility.  But that doesn’t give anyone clearance to flip flop their “values” depending on whether or not the target shares their political affiliation.

With the passing of Michael Jackson, I really wish, given the moment, that they’d cover this more.  You know, maybe they could run some special that tell us more about his life.  I mean, for such a big celebrity he was hardly ever in the news.

Perhaps they could run some of his old videos and let us celebrate what he labored, in near obscurity, to produce back in the day.  Like that album from the 80’s, Thriller … did you know that was his?  Had I not been flipping through the channels late the other night and happened to catch some guy on BET mention it in passing, I would never have known that.  They need to show that Billie Jean video more.

I guess what I’m saying is, “Tell us more about the guy.”  At least provide something to hold us over until the boatload of innuendo and false implications from the autopsy hits.

Really, anything so that when our electric bills have doubled, and unemployment is through the roof, and Iran and North Korea are lobbing nuclear missiles all over the globe, and gas is $10 / gal, and there isn’t decent medical care to be found anywhere on said globe, we can all act totally surprised.

We won’t know jack about what is going to shape our lives for the next ten years, but will have a vice-like grip on every last insignificant detail in the life of a twisted freak who happened to be talented.

I can hold my tongue no longer!  I’m not here to speak ill of the dead, but I’m sick of the hypocrisy.

This guy is not shattered, not immersed in sober reflection, not moping around because Michael Jackson is dead.

Jackson had his moments, sure.  There is no denying his contribution to music.  But since his musical heyday MJ had become a human freak show.  And we’re not talking about a couple of indiscretions.  He was up to his eyeballs in weird.

But seriously, I’m not here to hate on Jackson.  I got over his departure from normality long ago.  The axe I’m grinding is with all the network overkill in covering this event.  The starchy retrospectives.  The sober tones.  These are the folks who feasted on Jackson’s every misstep.  They are only sad because they lost one of their surefire, go-to sources for tabloid fodder.

If they have all of this tremendous respect for the departed pop singer why are they slurping around in the gutter for autopsy information?  Seems to me that the best way to show respect, and this really goes for any celebrity passing, would be to just leave it alone.  Report it as news and then move on and let family, friends and fans do their thing.

The good news is, my disgust over what qualifies as journalism these days was already maxed.  So this hasn’t made things worse.  It’s more of a reminder … “oh yeah, that’s right, they’re all freaking sleazeballs!”

I don’t think the draft could have gone any better for Tar Heel stars Tyler Hansbrough and Ty Lawson.  No, neither was a lottery pick.  That was never going to happen.  What both of these guys needed was a good fit, and I say they got it.

Surprisingly, Hansbrough was taken before Lawson when Indiana scooped him up with the 13th overall pick.  But then again, that’s just about a perfect pick.  Can you think of a better place for Hansbrough than Indiana?  Pacer fans will appreciate and celebrate his hard-nosed style and work ethic.

Indiana’s pick may have been the only sure thing in the first round.  Hansbrough isn’t going to develop into the guy who averages a triple double and has the big market franchises drooling to build their team around him.  But he also isn’t going to hold out, slack off in practice, get in trouble off the court or fade into obscurity in two years.  There are no mysteries here.  He’ll play solid minutes.  He’ll contribute.  He’ll work his ass off.  And he’ll understand and fulfill his role.  There’s a place for that in the NBA.

Lawson is a different case.  After testing the draft waters last year and finding them a little on the cool side, he returned to Carolina.  This past season was a split between Lawson as the key to Carolina’s championship run and Lawson on the bench, injured.  Some day he may be a lottery caliber NBA point guard, but right now I think teams would just like to see if he can deliver the brilliance he showed sometimes in college over an entire season as a pro.

Last night Lawson was part of a strange Minnesota first round in which the TWolves drafted three guards.  Fortunately for him, Lawson was immediately dealt to Denver.  Perfect!  The Nuggets made an impressive run to the Conference Finals this year and appear to be settling in as the Lakers’ chief rival in the West.  If Lawson establishes himself on this team he has the chance to be a part of something special.

Best of all, Denver is set at starting point guard with Chauncey Billups.  Lawson is like the QB who gets drafted by a team with a stellar but aging veteran under center.  Lawson won’t be pressured to be the man immediately.  And, while he’s developing, he couldn’t ask for a better mentor than Billups who should be good for Lawson’s game and attitude.  If he keeps his head on straight Ty Lawson could become something special.

How quickly this whole Iran thing is escalating.  Just days ago the most powerful man in the free world was “concerned.”  Today he is “outraged.”  Ahmadinejad had better choose his next moves carefully or we could well find ourselves heading down a road from which there is no return. 

If this nonsense continues, I don’t think it is at all premature to expect that next week at this time our President could be as much as “incensed!”  And if that were to happen, well, stand by for a barrage of words unsupported by action the likes of which has not been seen since John Kerry became irrelevant.

And don’t think this is just about Iran.  North Korea is the little yellow elephant in the room.  So, when our leader let’s loose with a good, stiff, sort of rebuke, he is sending a parallel message to Kim Jong-Il:  Step off little man, for there’s plenty more lofty-sounding, yet ambiguous speeches where this came from!

I’ve got to admit to being nonplussed upon learning that this iteration of Top Chef was going to be a shortened, celebrity chef edition rather than a full-blown version of the show.  It’s kind of like Celebrity Apprentice vs. the real deal.

However, after watching an episode I’d say that this special season is reinforcing what is best about this Bravo franchise.  Top Chef manages to draw in some great cooking personalities, but generally does a great job of concentrating on their craft instead of letting the drama overwhelm everything.

What’s really interesting about Top Chef Masters is that a lot of the “contestants” have been judges on previous seasons of Top Chef.  With the tables turned they are struggling with the same pressures and often experiencing the same results.  It will be interesting to see if this has any impact on how they approach being a judge in Top Chef seasons to come.

But by far my favorite realiTV moment happened on last week’s Top Chef Masters episode.  While the chefs were waiting in the kitchen for the judges to decide their fate and call them back to the evaluation room, they … baked cookies!

How awesome is that?  In one brief moment you see everything that is good about this franchise.  The camaraderie.  The respect for each other.  And I’m always inspired to see people who love their craft.  Plus this brings in my aspirations.  I don’t dream of becoming a better cook so I can prepare and describe lobster something-or-other.  I just want to be able to whip up something yummy on the spur of the moment.

Memo to Starbucks-sucking, Hummer-driving, pink polo-wearing golf “fan.”  When Tiger or anyone else is teeing off on a par 5 the ball is not going to “get in the hole,” regardless of your encouragement and vast knowledge of the sport.  This also almost always applies to par 4’s, and for that matter you rarely see anyone hole their drive on a par 3.

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Breaking news in the Iran election story.  Turns out they found several boxes of uncounted ballots in the trunk of the Grant County Commissioner’s Buick in northern Minnesota.  Al Franken has now closed to within 57 votes of Ahmadinejad.  You thought those dissidents were mad yesterday …

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Hillary Clinton has announced that Barack Obama has “absolutely” passed the 3am phone call test.  Really?  I’m curious what finally won her over.  Perhaps it was the way he decisively decided to step aside and give Iran a clear path to acquiring nuclear weapons.  Or maybe it was his quick retaliation after North Korea’s first missile test with a sternly-worded condemnation.  Then there was his call for Israel to lay down in the face of their enemies.  Obama has definitely led by example on that one.

Personally I think that with all that Obama is doing to screw up the economy, Hillary is just happy to have a job.

Almost as predictable as Sports Illustrated rolling out some kind of LA Lakers Championship commemorative something or other in a transparent subscription grab, the short of memory pundits are outbidding each other in predicting how many more rings the Purple and Gold have in them.

It would be nice to just leave the moment alone and let Phil and Kobe celebrate in peace.  For the record, I didn’t start the ridiculousness, but I’ll try to end it.

First of all, can anyone say with great confidence that the Lakers would even have this championship had Kevin Garnett been healthy?  I credit any and every team that survives the death march that is the NBA playoffs.  However, about halfway through this year’s post-season, any and every team that might have challenged LA inexplicably started laying down.  Cleveland was steamrolling every team in their path until they failed to show up for the Eastern Conference Finals.

Denver was on a similar tear, but when they failed to score a win in LA to open the Western Conference Finals all the starch went out of them.  Although to be fair, the Lakers finally started playing like the Lakers in the middle of that series.

Bottom line, as easy as it looked, you aren’t going to draw an Orlando Magic in the Finals every year.

And let’s face it.  The Lakers needed every break they could get.  They barely escaped the Houston Rockets in round 2 and now some are calling for them to reel off a string of Titles?  Of course with the way the playoffs are scheduled that was three years ago, so it’s easy to forget.

Another problem is that the Lakers are truly a one-man show.  There are some admirable supporting characters, but the team lives and dies with Kobe.  Obviously this formula isn’t totally doomed, but it’s the exception, not the rule for deep playoff runs.  Teams with some sort of tandem tend to succeed more consistently.

So, add a year of experience to Carmelo and Billups’ resumes in Denver and you have one roadblock.  And, while the Celtics are aging they could well have a couple more runs in them if their big three can work their injuries around the playoffs.  In Cleveland it seems the Cavaliers are finally going to add some beef to their lineup in one last desperate effort to convince Lebron James to stay put after next year.  This could be the move that puts them over the top for James’ Adios Cuyahoga tour.

To expect any team to march through at least two of these foes on a regular basis is a little much.  After watching a lot of struggles and close games in what was as soft a title run as you’ll ever see, there just isn’t the support for predictions of grandeur in LA.

All that aside, I say just let them enjoy the moment.  What really sucks about playing the “how many more” game is that it isn’t fair to the team.  You start talking three, four, five more rings and then next year if they don’t win the reaction is, “That’s it?  Only one?”  Give them a break!

And another name from the secret list of MLB’ers who tested positive for steroids in 2003 has been revealed.  This time Sammy Sosa was outed (Report: Sosa tested positive for PEDs in 2003 – FOX Sports on MSN).  Not sure why they kept his name on the “DL” for so long.  It’s not like we were all waiting with baited breath on that foregone conclusion.

Let me guess.  When asked about it Sosa struggled with his English but exclaimed, “beisbol been belly, belly good to me.”

At this point, frankly, they might just as well go ahead and release the whole list.  My capacity for surprise over anyone from that era has been exhausted.  Plus, there are supposedly 104 names on that list.  It’s kind of annoying to think that at this rate, a 17-yr block of a so-called journalist’s career is being devoted to milking this thing.

OK, I’m back. And I’ve got a burr in my saddle so let’s get busy.

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Memo to David Letterman: the point is, your joke was crass and lewd not to mention not funny. The fact that your intended target was barely the age of consent instead of 14 doesn’t make it any less so. And it doesn’t matter whose daughter it was. Poor taste is poor taste. Whether you cut into a political friend or foe is irrelevant. I don’t believe you should be fired because hits and misses are part of the business you are in. But you do have to own your poor judgment. A straight up apology is called for.

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Already relegated to the dustbin of history is Lebron James’ last-second three-pointer to save game two of The Eastern Conference Finals for Cleveland. Such heroics lose much of their cache when they aren’t a stepping stone on the road to greater things. Turns out that shot merely saved the Cavaliers from being swept. They were still rudely ushered from the playoffs in a season when they should have been in the Finals.

- – B – -

After decades of government intrusion into every aspect of people’s lives, California is in a shambles. New Jersey tried to boost income by raising taxes on the wealthy, only to see revenue decrease. Germany is abandoning cap and trade because it’s killing their industry. And has anyone ever talked to someone in Canada or Europe about their Health Care Systems? They freaking hate them! Just about everything Obama and Congress are trying to do has been pretty clearly proven not to work.  “Those who don’t learn from history …” hell, those who don’t learn, period.

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It’s good to see that the “at least I didn’t” defense is alive and well. Manny Ramirez, upon his return from a steroid suspension, put things in perspective by saying, “I didn’t kill nobody. I didn’t rape nobody.” Now really in the current situation he could simply have said, “I didn’t kill no dogs.” As it is we are now stuck trying to sort out the cases of the returning superstars. Michael Vick didn’t rape nobody and he didn’t kill no human. But, he did kill some dogs yo, so does that count?

Of course if Ray Carruth ever comes back then the whole scale has to slide. He’s always got the “at least I didn’t go crazy and shoot a bunch of people in a shopping mall” defense. And, of course the “triple dog dare ya” in this whole sequence is, “at least I’m not Hitler.” That still stands as the ultimate. Since the only person we can hold accountable for anything, Hitler, is dead, I really don’t see why we need a judicial system at all. As long as people mind their own business and refrain from killing six million Jews, it’s all good.

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Finally a word on incompetence. Incompetence doesn’t really accomplish anything because it’s … incompetent. It tries to accomplish keeping others from accomplishing things. It doesn’t support, it attempts to reduce others to its own level of pathetic uselessness. It muddles on leaving a trail of futility in its wake. We progress despite incompetence, certainly not because of it.